This is my first time ever really putting my full testimony out there. There was the fear of what my reputation would be if i went out with it but now I am sharing it.
Here we go.
I was born in cherkasu, Ukraine and grew up in a God centered home with Godly parents. I was so lucky to have been born in a family such as mine but took eveything for granted. Growing up i didn’t really take to heart what I was taught in Sunday school or what i was taught of the bible. My parents raised me in the church and sometimes i did not even want to go. There wasn’t anything in me that had the desire to go to church or actively listen to what preachers were saying. It just wasn’t there. It felt more like an obligation than desire most of the time. Something i knew was the Christian thing to do. I didn’t know what it meant to be a true follower of Christ and what it was to be complete in Him. I knew the “sunday school” answers but it was just knowledge to me.
My heart and mind were so into this World and material idolatry it was turned off from letting God’s love take full effect. I was a thief in my own family. I was selfish and centered on “what’s in it for me?” Kind of mindset. If anyone got the message that i was some perfect child; they were wrong. Though i loved giving to people and serving where i could. I loved babies and i would babysit any chance i got. I loved helping people and being a friend to them. People loved me because i was so kind and generous and great with kids and straight A student. At least that is at least what it often looked like on the outside.
The insecurities flooded my mind consistently. I wished i was more like one person or another because they were pretty, or athletic, or had the courage i hadn’t, or rich with material wealth. For a long time was inaecuret about a lot of things. Look, body, and worth. I didn’t have that great “daddy-daughter, i want to marry my dad” relationship some girls did. I looked to boys to fill that void no one but God could fill. I busyied myself with friends who were mostly non believers. I idolized being in a relationship with boys and spent a lot of time fantasizing about them with my high school friends. I kept boys at bay ny flirting but never saying yes to dating. I wanted to but i knew i couldn’t because i wasn’t allowed to by my dad.
I wanted so badly to feel loved by somebody and looked in the wrong places.
I didn’t look to God. Yea i prayed and i wanted to be a good Christian, however i just kept messing up at least more than twice a day. This brought guilt building up more and more just waiting to burst. I couldn’t stop thinking that i just keep messing up and I’ll never be better. There’s always something my parenta point out. Always something my parents would pester me about being more this or that. I felt like no matter what i did there was something wrong with me. I loved my family. I love that i have so many people who love me too and spending time with them because there was never a time we didn’t have fun or laugh about something later. There were plenty of inside jokes going around. Camping was and still my favorite pass time with family.
When i was fifteen God finally got my attention. I was at a store and shoplifted and i was caught. Though it was only a warning; i was extremely embarrassed. It was humiliating. It felt like i was being watched walking out. My mom was not happy of course. When we got home i begged my mom not to tell dad for fear of being yelled at even more and sense even more disappointment. I was afraid of disappointing my parents. I got out of the car and ran into the wooda behind my house. By the time i got there i was sobbing because i have not been so sorry and ashamed in all my life. I cried until i could not cry anymore. I cried out to God with all my heart. Begging for forgiveness. I stayed there until my tears were all dried up and my heart hurt ao much.
I asked God to take over my heart and change it to a heart like his. To lead me to him and show me how to be complete in him. I started going back but the tears came all over again and there i was; crying out to God to save me my this selfish heart and the devil’s snares and lies. Then a peace came over me like I’ve never had before.
This step changed my life forever. My heart longed to be filled by His unfailing love so much it hurt. It was a start to a journey to a path of light and love. I seeked God as if he was the only one who was in my life.
Even though i was now on a path closer to Jesus. It didn’t take away my desire to be with someone. The discontentment made me sad and lonely. It seemed i had a lot to learn about trusting God with my love story and with everything. I turned to online dating sites and unexpectedly I saw a profile that had a guy with a magician hat on a horse with a funny expression on his face. I commented and said I thought it looked funny but i loved it. I found out he was a Christian too. So we started talking, he was actually really encouraging to me in the faith. He just started college and i turned 17 not long ago. We continued to communicate throughout the year and agreed that we both likes each other. We may have started a relationship online long distance because he lived in PA. I thanked God i met him because of his Patience with me and really treated me so well. He was the first guy i really liked and it was mutual. I loved what we had between us.
Eventually life got busy and grew distant. We didn’t talk as much. I lost contact one day I tried to find his name on Facebook but no luck and i gave up. It all went by so quickly. Sometimes i felt there was no time to stop and catch a breath. I also wasn’t completely committed to Jesus yet. I was on the right path but I struggled to find confidence in myself and fully surrender and trust God with my life.
High school graduation was getting closer. I prayed God show me my purpose and what he wanted me to do. I switched my choice every year, and possibly couple months. It was flight attendant to travel, teacher to teach kids, missionary to serve in another country ( Another one to travel), photographer, and lastly free lance writer. I entered college without any of my high school friends, they either moved or i stopped wanting to talking to them. I prayed and prayed for a best friend. I committed my life to Christ at 19 in 2013 and got baptized.
Entering college i wasn’t really of what i wanted to major in and changed majors twice. I always loved kids and God put a burden on my heart to care for them in his name and show them the one who was, who is and will always the same. Whose love is eternal and has no limits. I switched my major to child care practitioner because i wanted to go into the childcare and counseling career with children. This is my passion in this world. What God had made me for. I found God’s will for me.
In 2014 i joined campus ambassadors Christian club by going to Infusion; their spring retreat and i met some of the most amazing people. I grew in Christ so much and learned a lot. Campus Ambassadors brought be out of my comfort zone and I more likely to be friendly to strangers or accepting of people completely unlike me. College has been the best four years of my life. It changed my life for the better, I met my best friend, i also met extraordinary people along the way that have been so encouraging and inspirational thoroughout my life. I am complete in God’s love. I am content in where I am with peace even in the storms that come my way in the confidence that God is always with me and I am nevet alone. I am constantly learning new things about God and myself and my life has never been the same.
This is my story.
This is the post excerpt.